Freedom Forever!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Hope

There are a lot of people that I know who are lost and are seemingly out of hope. They feel so low, depressed and alone. Honestly I have been depressed before. Everyone has to go through depression at least once in their lifetime, unless they aren't normal. It's a sad thing, depression. It clouds your vision, let's you believe that all hope is lost. You start to forget what is important to you and you carelessly neglect and throw away all that you have because you feel like nothing is worth living for anymore. They don't realise the most important thing, that it isn't hope that is lost, but the person. When you are at a place you don't recognise and you forgot your bearings, it doesn't mean that the places you've come to familiarise yourself with have disappeared. They are just simply out of sight until you find you way back. So hopefully sooner than later, everyone will find their way back home.

Speaking of which, Liverpool, please find your way back to greatness. I'll wait. Oh and Hunny, please come home to GREATNESS too :) I miss U.

| 12:17 PM |

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

To A Special Friend

Tension, when accumulated at a sensitive spot, usually leads to breakage. I'm not a saint but I know I'm not as bad as you when it comes to lying. I don't know why it hurts and why I even bother but it does get to me. I thought you were always going to be the one I could depend on. The one to be there for me all the time. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve all these mind games? Can I please know? What I know is that I'm not perfect and sometimes I may be harsh but that's how I am and if you couldn't take it my advice then tell me. I thought we saw each other eye to eye. There has always been a deeper understanding between us than people know but somewhere over these past few years, your actions and communication became foreign and lost in translation. I think I'm also to blame for this because apparently I'm not suited to be sought-after for comfort and advice. I'm losing people in my life that I never thought I would. You know how it makes me feel? Like a loser, a sore, bad loser because I have always refused to admit defeat that I've lost, especially when losing a brother is so hard to take.

I guess where I felt I stood high and mighty just came crashing underneath me and I am falling into an endless abyss called failure with only the thoughts on why it came to this and what it could and should have been. We've been through a lot and I have to admit you are a special guy minus the lies. So special it's a shame that you can't see it and continually shot yourself in the foot with the guns and bullets you voluntarily took from the aggressors who ruined your stability. Out in zero-degree waters, slowly sinking, vessels pass along and hurl ropes to pull you to safety but you can't seem to grasp it. Is it pride or is the rope too short? You have no idea how this insecurity has been eating at my head but I guess I can't assume I'm the victim. You definitely have your side of the story and whatever it is, I'll take it like a man. I guess I've misunderstood you and your needs. I don't need an apology because I should apologise. I've given up on waiting for you to change because you don't have to change. Buy the chair that you feel comfortable sitting on, listen to the honest salesman who tried to warn you of it's bad quality and rip-off pricing. I'm going to be the guy who will always believe what you say, even when it dominates my thoughts before I sleep because I know that believing could possibly hurt. I'm not out to write another 13-page essay like the one I handed out to Ms Jean Ng 7-8 years ago. That one was full of fantasy. I'm pouring out at least 5 years of feelings on this one.

I may not have been the best that you claimed I was at that department in your life, so don't apologise for seemingly not living up to my expectations, because I most certainly didn't live up to yours. That is how we ended up like this. It's a damn shame and I am sorry.

| 12:03 PM |