Freedom Forever!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Progression

I've been spending the last 6 months thinking about how I should progress. Hunny's in Dubai and I'm stuck here, doing nothing.Honestly a huge part of me wants to work in Dubai with Hunny, but I also know that a career over there probably won't last forever and I'll end up back here with what little education I have and won't be able to find a proper job. I do feel like schooling, but I don't know whether it is because I'm not prepared to work. Somehow I feel like I still have it in me to study well and have a good education, but I also have a strong need to earn a stable wage to support my family and marry Hunny. I feel like I deserve a good life after all these years. I won't say being me was so bad, but it could have been a lot better. Maybe I just need food -_-.

I kind of decided to look around for courses and part-time jobs. Really don't know what I'm after but I guess I'll have to work my brains properly this time. It's been on hibernation since I graduated from ITE. I'm flattered when family members say that I should be more by now because they feel that I'm much more capable than what I've accomplished, and I wish I had the same perception of myself. Maybe I do, but I just don't like to progress. Over the past few days I've been thinking of what I've been doing at home for so long and when I looked at the date it reminded me that I'm turning 23 in just over a month (presents hehehehehe just kidding) and I realised that DAMN I'm seriously getting old. I only have a Higher NITEC cert, and I'm certainly not proud of it. I totally blame the system. National Service needs some reconsideration on enlistment criteria. Maybe they should just allow everyone to just complete their studies, at least up to a Diploma level or when they feel like they can't progress. Bahh complaining won't do me any good.

This is one damn wordy entry so I'm sorry. Well I really had my mind made up to try out for Emirates and fly, but my sister and brother suddenly had a change of heart and told me to study. I can't blame them, because they don't know how I feel, being half the world away from Hunny and desperately wanting to provide for Ibu. I felt so hurt when my sister suddenly scolded me in the car back from Makwe's birthday celebration, saying that I never think of long-term plans. Yeah try saying that in the mirror if your husband is in Dubai working. I bet you'd leave Singapore and work there. Ahhh I'm evil I know but I don't hate her. Seriously people always say, "I know how you feel," but hell no they don't! I mean they get the IDEA but they can't FEEL it. I appreciate that they try though.

So I guess today I'm going to make that progression, even if it's just a step from my idleness. As long as I move away from the crossroads I'll feel better. I just hope it won't bring me too far away from what I hold dear.

I miss U Hunny
I love U Ibu
I'm sorry I can't even get to choose either one of you right now
I'll have to choose myself and hopefully there will come a day when I can choose both of you
Please wait for me

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